Analogy Never Made: JDM EG Hatch

Hondas in the states are a lot like McDonald's. Everyone appreciates their function of supplying cheap sustenance for the everyday cheap commuter, and if there was one car in the world that had been pulled up to McDonald's more than any other car. My money would be on a fifth gen Honda Civic. The two worlds collide so beautifully in an array of passions; a love for cheap thrills whether in the mouth or through the pants. McDonald's has always been native to America and after the movie "Supersize Me" it's demise had ensued. The Honda Civic is indeed a native of Japan and even though the movie The Fast and The Furious was filmed in America the Honda's demise has abounded internationally. With chopped mufflers and welded on exhaust tips that take rice to a whole new level, there is no way to street a modified Honda without at least a few bystanders seeing scenes of scantily clad ladies and neon lights. Now I hate to start an article with a disclaimer about how I know that any car... yes Hondas included, with any amount of work must be appreciated, but I'm striving to make a point, so ease yourself into this clash of topics as I do my best to synthesize some thoughts I've had after encountering this little Honda.

 In showing this I want to show how a native rice maker can become much more appreciated with a fresh set of eyes, and no preconceived ideas about how to build one. And in doing so make an analogy with the cheese burger.. I know it's a stretch. Now I realize these are by no means the prettiest photos I could have taken of this car (some where even taken on an iPhone.. shhhh), but this was a documentation not a photo shoot so look at content not quality. If you take a look at this Honda with a fresh set of eyes and give it a little credit, a lot of things emerge to show how much fun these little fellers are, even on a budget. It's common knowledge that these civics are a treat on the track and besides looking like it has sat through one to many typhoons this little air pump looks hungry for some more track time. If you look at the whole car as an analogy for a cheeseburger it's real easy to see what is what in the equation.

 The bun. The thing you touch when you enjoy a burger. So the tires when a pump enjoys some open road. Nothing to fancy, much like the white bun on a McDonald's cheeseburger does the job and does it well. Delivers when you need it. In this particular case a mix between 205/50R15 Dunlop Direzza ZII up front and 195/55R15 in the rear. If the tires are the crust and the sesame seeds of the bun. Then the inside, or the real baked bread of the bun, is the choice of wheels; A mix of Enkei RP 01 up front and some pretty tired looking reproduction Volks in the rear. 

Continuing with the analogy, and moving inward on both the burger and the car, we have the sauces. Ketchup and mustard usually, mayonnaise if you're feeling slim. We have the three components of a good interior. Seating, addressed by a small time and rare JDM brand seat that looks like it's had some seat time which perfectly analogies the mass produced ketchup used on our American burgers. It's not a particularly Distinct tasting sauce but again does the job of keeping the whole experience safe and happy, especially when the bun and other components come out a little bland and lacking in flavor. which is commonly found on the cheese burgers McDonalds makes these days.

The second component of a well finished interior, the steering wheel. In this case a Yonex tennis grip wrapped OMP deep dish. Something that helps you stay on track in an experience that sometimes seems difficult to define. Mustard, the thing you can always taste if one particular bite comes out bland, and the glue that keeps a hamburger out of any questioning zones and in on the affirmative experiential moment resolving what is being experienced if ever the question arises.

The shift knob and emergency brake drift button... moving past the drift button, because I have no idea what that is doing there, and onto the knob. It is not a totally necessity in the modification realm but every experience would be lacking without a good one. Something to get you from one place to another or keep you where you want to be. Mayonnaise is the filler the item that could easily be left out but keeps everything going down smooth and well drawn out in a cohesive and complimentary manner.

Lettuce and tomato. The two items that are often an option but really take any burger to the nextest of levels. In the case of the Honda I grant those first to the duckbill spoiler fitted to the hatch with the ATS & ACROSS decal for the lettuce and the whether beaten carbon hood for the tomato taking the front end of the car to the next level aesthetically and in concerns to performance thinking weight reduction. The lettuce for the dick bill because leaf lettuce always sticks out of the bun and comes across a little bit overstated but even still any deep digging burger wouldn't be complete without it. The carbon hood for the tomato because it actually does something. I don't know about you but I never taste the lettuce on a burger I only feel it as if the the tongue in the mouth was a set of eyes a spoiler that small doesn't do to much accept add some more classic EG silhouette ques.

But the carbon hood lightens the car and looks good much like the tomato. It actually does something for the burger other than aesthetically. It brings the burger completely and wholesomely to the next level. Any regularly tracked Honda needs some carbon to help give that next edge while lapping a Japanese circuit.

If we move on further I might merge onto the next episode in the epilogue of the burger. What is a cheese burger without cheese. And much like the fact that you can grate cheese or cut it and slowly grind off more from the whole block of cheese, the brake pads and discs found tucked neatly under the enki and volk wheels grate away at themselves while providing stopping power to the whole of the vehicle. On the civic they are clearly P.M.U pads as so genuinely displayed by the blue haired feller found on the quarter window.

Now Project Mu makes the worlds finest break pads. Much like the Tillamook cheese I expect to find gracing the juicy meat patty found on any McDonald's burger. Unfortunately McDonalds uses some processed form of cheese so this may be the first section of this eg that supersedes the analogy for the McDonald's burger, but bear with me because we still have the heart of the hatch to tackle. 

 Now considering this hatch was a random find in the streets of Setgaya that I stumbled upon while I was studying there I would have very much felt like I was exceeding my limits of ethics, especially in Japan if I were to lift the hood on the car without the owners permission. 

 Who never showed himself despite the ten plus minuets I spend snapping photos of his car. maybe he was out working, or enjoying a bowl of ramen, but I digress. So, I can't tell you much about the engine except that there was a nice looking tin can on the back as can be seen in the wheel and tire photo and a little on the photo below. I would have felt weird moving the bike also so I didn't get a chance to find a name on the exhaust either.

Now considering the spirit of the car and the seemingly low budget I assume the owner was on I think it's safe to assume nothing outrageous had happened under the hood. Much like that of the run of the mill paddy found on all the McDonald's burgers. Maybe it was an interceptor exhaust, but those are normally fitted to Honda street bike engines.. maybe there was something surprising under the hood. I guess we will never know.

Anyways I could go on to explain more and more about the depth of what this car was and the analogy of the cheeseburger, but I am fully confident I am getting my point across. These very different subjects merge together in one of the most beautiful analogies to be sparked in the automotive community.

But I'd like to finish off the analogy with telling how McDonald's once made a good cheese burger and indeed they could again one with good yummy cheese and a paddy from a real cow and not a processed cardboard cow, in the same way Hondas rarely are and once commonly made in the right spirits before the Feast and Furious Franchise spoiled the fun. So when done right these cars do need to start getting the credit they deserve despite all the goofballs who mess them up.

 Albeit, in this analogy there are flaws and loopholes, but these never come to lessen the analogy but simply show that an analogy is only a representation with something more commonly known to the viewer and depending on what you personally have experienced more of; cheese burgers, or Eg hatchbacks, I'm sure there has been new knowledge ideas and opinions entering your conscious thought throughout. 

 So the next time you see a modified Honda do your best to see it without a Honda badge and just as a chassis that some guy modified, then take a step back and re-evaluate your opinions of it. If you still hate it, it was probably for good reason and I'd likely hate it also. But if, at some point you see something you like, don't be afraid to point it out and spread some love in a hate filled community.

Joshua Sewell

Instagram: josh_sewell_photo